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I know I say this all the time but I.AM.SO.EXCITED. to share this podcast with this world. In this bonus episode of Chill & Grace where you can experience first hand coaching! I was inspired by Esther Perel's podcast, Where Should we Begin?, where she shows real-time counseling session. What I love about her podcast is listening to the power of questions and listening to create aha moments and meaningful change. I wanted to show the same in coaching.

Coaching is so powerful. Its about discovering what is inside of you and the safe place to explore it. It's being open and transparent with yourself. It’s being held accountable for what you want by investing and dedicating resources to make your life work for you. Coaching is about taking the time to look at your current life and make changes to create the life you want.

In today's episode I have a session with Tameeka where we dive into Imposter syndrome and all the things that come with it!

Listen here on iTunes or on Spotify!

If you want to experience coaching for yourself, there is no time like today. Email me at holly@hollykrivo.com with subject line Tameeka rocks for a complimentary session.  

And if you like this podcast, please leave a review making it easier for others to find.

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“I had the power to steer this and choose how it is going to go and to be the example of strength. For this to be about compassion and love and kindness and even a sense of humor when appropriate.And that was really important to me. This was a gift I could give to our future selves.”

Laurice had it all. Loving husband, four healthy kiddos and living in a beautiful community. She loved her life AND felt like there was something more out there for her. It wasn't until tragedy struck that she acknowledged the nudge for something more which helped her not just survive but thrive during the hardest time of her life.  Laurice shares the journey of losing her husband and how realizing she had a choice over her circumstance gave her the power she needed to show up when life was not great. 

We talked about acting in a way that your future self will thank you for, how giving hope is not always the kind thing to do and the discernment of knowing if one is searching for answers or running from the truth. We talked about how no matter what our circumstances are, no one can take away our choice over our thoughts, actions and memories and how acknowledging a nudge or spark in our life that we want something more is not selfish, it’s our responsibility.  

Listen here on iTunes and if you liked this podcast, I would love for you to share with a friend who it could impact! Also leaving a review helps this podcast get in front of more people so please leave a review if this podcast has helped you! 

Man, you ever get taken down by something so simple you're almost embarrassed to admit it?  Insert me raising my hand.

Yesterday my keyboard went out and I had to borrow Katie's Norwegian one until I can find a new one. Felt pretty proud of myself for thinking of it as an option and got to work then couldn't figure out how to type a ?.

Yes you read that right, a ?.

Up to the point I had an A + day. I watched the DNC, had a good workout and a successful in person meeting but in that moment I felt a shift. I was frustrated and felt derailed.  

It was more than not just being able to type a ? and I knew it.

It was feeling like I was behind.

It was feeling the overwhelm of an already too packed day.

It was wondering if I would be able to get this email out.

It was worrying if I was doing enough.

Ya'll our minds can spiral so quickly especially in unprecedented times like this.

Don't discount these moments as just a silly, overreaction. Stop and take an inventory of what is at work underneath. Let them be warning signs that there is something else you need to address.

Are you tired? Are you scared? Are you overwhelmed?

Are you all of the above?

For me it was getting past the superficial frustration of a keyboard to the root of the factor, overwhelm. I was then able to look back on what I could have done better, not schedule so many items that require high energy on one day, and what I could do at that moment. A good ole 24 minute cat nap.

*please ignore all typos. sent from a Norwegian keyboard*

A couple weeks ago I got duped into a pottery class.

Well not exactly duped as I willingly signed up but duped into the life lesson I learned but I guess that's why they call them life lessons as they seem to pop up when we are open to life. 

I went in thinking how relaxing it would be and I would definitely create a masterpiece and who knew maybe this would be my next hobby.Reality ≠ Expectations. Ghost movie this experience did not make.

I was definitely the student in class the teacher had to focus on. If I heard "Just a second Holly, I'll be right there" once I heard it a hundred times that day. Throwing pottery requires patience,ease and gentleness. Not exactly my strengths. 
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And then she said this,

"You can't force it. Be firm in where you want it to go and then be gentle and let it flow."  
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I have spent/spend a lot of energy trying to force things that I want for my life. I want to make things happen quickly. Mark them off my list and CONTROL all the things but it often doesn't work out or if it does it can come at a cost. 

When Sonya said this I realized although it's so important to stay focused and firm on what you want, it's equally as important to let it flow and let go of some control.

That's where the magic happens. 

Had I not been consumed with forcing the clay a certain way and"making it work for me" I probably would have not only created an item larger than one that can maybe hold one egg but I would have enjoyed it more. 

What is it you are forcing in your life and what would it look like to pull back a little on the control and let it flow? And better yet, what will it feel like?

This is Bjørn and he started the northernmost vineyard in the world, 61.1 degrees north, and he is quite possibly the most interesting man in the world.

He had a dream to make wine out of locally grown grapes in the Sognefjord, Norway area so he did it. He ignored the people who said you can’t grow wine in Norway and stayed focus on his desire for his wine from Norway to keep up with the big dog wines of Italy and France.

He and his partner, Halldis, took us on a tour and shared the story of starting the vineyard from nothing including the little “cottage” aka shed they lived in while starting their dream. The amount of daily work they put in made me tired…as I sipped a white wine made of Solaris grapes.

As morbid as it is I kept on thinking, “What happens when Bjørn and Halldis pass away?” as there was no mention of who would take over and they aren’t spring chickens. It made me sad to think of all that hard work going away because what’s the point of a dream if there’s not a lasting legacy.

And then it hit me, maybe I was thinking about it all wrong.

Maybe the bold action of following his dream and starting a vineyard was enough for him.  

Maybe he doesn’t care if it’s passed on because this was his dream, not someone else’s.

Maybe he hopes someone will take over but that fact alone didn’t stop him from starting a vineyard.

Maybe the creation is enough.

How often do we put off things we want because they don’t make sense? Or they aren’t rational?  Or they are too frivolous?O r no one else will care?  

Probably more often than we care to admit.

In a world of achievements and purpose and goals, maybe it’s time we take a break and create for creation sake. Write because you love to write. Sing because you love to sign. Decorate because you love to decorate. Try a new hobby because you want to try a new hobby. That longing in your heart may not be something that lasts a life time and that is AOK. Do it for you.

What is that for you?

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I posted last week about no longer making excuses for 2020 and defining what it is you want out of 2020.

Have you thought about it?

Does it seem ridiculous to even have hopes for a year that has seemed to let you down over and over? It’s like screw me once shame on you,screw me twice shame on me.  

I am here to remind you it’s not.  

So often we set goals or aspirations or intentions without truly thinking about how committed we are to making it happen. So that when life happens, and it always does, and we face obstacles and hardships, we start to question ourselves, our abilities and think of a million excuses on why we can’t move forward.

Back to what you want for 2020, I want you to ask yourself,"On a scale of 1-10 how committed am I to this goal?"  (1 - If it happens, cool but not wanting to work much on it and 10 - I will do whatever I can to make it happen.)

Be honest with yourself. Truly think how committed you are to achieving what it is you want out of 2020.

Think about the time and work and resources it will take.Think about what you will have to give up and the growing pains. Think about feeling uncomfortable and challenged.

Think about how it is going to feel when you accomplish it.Think about not letting yourself down again. Think about the different person you will be when you stay committed to this goal.

How committed are you to this goal?

If it's a 5 or below, maybe it's time to really think if this is truly important to you? Or is it just something you think you should do?

There's no judgment in this. It's your life but before you set out on making a change you owe it to yourself to be honest about how truly committed you are to making it happen. We have a limited amount of energy and hours in the day. Choose how you spend them wisely and don’t let the obstacle of life get in your way.

If you are feeling stuck or unclear on what it is you want, message me and let’s chat. I offer complimentary discovery sessions for all new clients to experience coaching, gain clarity and create a plan to move forward.  

When we don’t reset expectations after changed circumstances, we are a lot like this cute little bulldog. Sitting stubbornly, giving life the side eye as it wants to take us down a path we did not want to go down.  

Resetting expectations isn't fun and I'm not telling you it should be. To be honest,it sucks but I am proud of you for embracing the suckiness. We have two options in life and if I know you, you will choose the one that moves you forward.
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Now that we've taken a beat to mourn our losses and reset our expectations, What is it you want out of 2020?

I want you to think through what your top 1-3 goals are for this year and write them down. Get them out of your head and into the Universe. Go ahead, I'll wait....

Your goals may look completely different than you had originally thought.

Your goals may look less fun and more survival. 

Your goals may look "small" and"insignificant". (Spoiler alert! These are often times the ones that make the biggest impact.)

Whatever they are, honor them. Make them a priority. Be accountable for what you want. 

No more excuses on not moving forward in 2020. Because that would really suck. 

“In the South there was a strong sense of what your future should look like. I remember thinking ‘I don’t even want to be here’. I had a hard time imagining what it would be but I knew it wasn’t what I saw around me.But It was easy to be religious and get married young. I actually don’t think I gave it much thought. I just looked around and thought that’s how we do it.”

Patti is the Founder of two companies, The Way Back Movement and Learning Reinvented, and a powerhouse of a woman but it wasn’t always like this. She was raised in the deep south in a conservative Baptist household where the options of what she saw to be a woman did not align with what she wanted. However,she still found herself on the path of marriage at 20 and a life of what she “should”do. It wasn’t until she woke up one morning and thought “it hurts to live” that her life fell apart and she was able to reconstruct it into her most true life.

She has disrupted the norm several times over her in her life and has done so with grace and transparency. In today’s episode we talk about how the safe path isn’t always safe and the bigger question of “Is safe even an option”?  We talk about how following your musts over your shoulds is a key to living your truest life and that if it feels scary you are doing it right. And we talk about how believing in yourself is a life-long focus and one that requires daily focus for incremental growth.

Listen on iTunes at Chill & Grace. If you like the podcast, please leave a review as that helps other like-minded individuals like yourself find this podcast.

Expectation: a strong belief that something will happen or be the case in the future.

We have a lot of emotion tied into our expectations so it makes sense they are hard to let go of when circumstances change and they are left unfulfilled. Often we continue to try and put the square peg into the round hole and are left angry, anxious and defeated when it doesn't workout. 

If you feel like your expectations are holding you back from moving forward, the exercise below was designed to help you reset your mindset. 

 "My expectations for this year were to________. It now looks like it won't be possible because of _______.Accomplishing this this year was important to me because __________. I may not be able to _________ but knowing  what I do now I can __________ which is important to me because __________."

To give a little more context I have included one of my biggest unmet expectations for the year.

 "My expectations for this year were to have my friends and family come visit us in Norway. It now looks like it won't be possible because of the limits on foreign travel due to COVID-19. Accomplishing this this year was important to me because I wanted to share my experience with loved ones and I miss them. I may not be able to see them in person but knowing what I do now I can schedule more video calls and take videos and photos of the experience to share with them which is important to me because I want to stay connected and share the experience."
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Reminding yourself why your goals/expectations are important in the first place helps you stay connected to your WHY no matter what the circumstances and expectations are. 

Letting go of expectations isn't easy or fun and to be totally honest can really suck. But we can either sit in the suckiness and sadness of it or stay focused on why it was important and choose to move forward with option B. What's it for you? 

Remember how full of hope we were at the beginning of 2020. All bright eyed and bushy tailed with big dreams saying things like "I'm having 2020 vision this year"!

What a difference 188 days makes. Now we're all shell shocked, hoping our pants fit and trying to figure out what's next.

Good news is we still have 177 days to change our course.

I hate to break it to you but we have to let go of what might have been, what could have been and what should have been to move forward. We can still mourn these losses but to sit in a space of "But it wasn't supposed to be this way!!!" (even whats that's #fact) doesn't serve you.

Circumstances have changed. Our expectations and plans must change as well.

Here are three questions to ask yourself to clear the slate heading into the back half of the year.

Have I mourned the losses of 2020? We've all lost something this year. From time with family to missed events to financial loss,your loss is real and valid. Sit with sadness, anger and frustration of your loss then choose to move forward. It doesn't mean we forget, we just move forward.

Have I adjusted my goals and expectations for the year?Often times we know circumstances and things have changed for us but we don't adjust our life accordingly, including goals and expectations. We try and put the square peg into the round hole. Take an honest look at where your life is now and see where you need to make adjustments.

What have I learned over the past 6 months that I can take with me? I don't want to hype up the past months too much but I know we have all learned something from it. From adaptability to slowing down we have all become aware of changes we want to implement going forward. Finding some kind of positive in the mess is a key element in moving on.

Often times our losses and frustration (as valid as they are) are such a distraction from us moving forward. Let's change that today!

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“What I was feeling (fear) and the reason I was feeling this was because there’s a huge amount of stigma on deciding not to have children. Suddenly in that realization that there is a massive stigma around this, it was okay that I felt apprehensive and daunted. The fact I know there is a stigma and judgment with this decision made it freeing for me. In the same way people have judgment to homosexuals, transgender people, insert all the words that carry a stigma, this does in a similar way. It made sense why I felt this way.”

Sarah is a childfree woman from the UK who reached out in February to share her story on the podcast of being childfree. After reaching out, fear and unease and worry set in and it wasn't until May that we sat down for the podcast. Despite being firm in her decision to be childfree the overwhelming feeling of judgment sat heavy and it wasn't until she realized the power of the stigma that she was freed up to tell her story.

In this episode we talk about the importance of sitting in your feelings when working through big decisions and how you can make a decision that you are confident in but also have sadness with that decision. Sarah shares how as someone with a background in risk management, creating a contingency plan for her decision, gave her added peace with her decision.  

Listen on iTunes at Chill & Grace. If you like the podcast, please leave a review as that helps other like-minded individuals like yourself find this podcast! 

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"Where there is a hill to climb, don't think waiting will make it smaller."  - Anonymous 

For many of us the changes we want to make or life we want to lead can feel like wanting to climb Mount Everest on a good day. So faraway, scary and with the thoughts of "Is this even something I can do?" or "How uncomfortable is this going to be?”.

This is really showing up for all of us these days in big ways. I know for some of you reading this just getting through the day, with the uncertainty and fear, is overwhelming. Or for others of you, change is necessary but the thought of doing something different is paralyzing.  

We as humans have a tendency to focus on the enormity of the end goal, discounting the things we can do to make progress TODAY.

But like Anonymous says, waiting won't make it smaller.

Courage won't find you when you wait.
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Clarity won't find you when you wait.
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Confidence won't find you when you wait. 
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Your uphill battles won't go away the longer we wait. You don't have to climb the whole hill today but you do need to get started.
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What is ONE STEP you can make today to face that uphill battle?

Are you wanting to make a decision you’ve been on the fence about? Commit to 20 minutes of dedicated time to work on this decision.

Are you wanting to get out of debt? Commit today to take an honest look at your finances so you know where to start.

Are you wanting to pursue a new career? Commit to researching what the next step could look like for you.

Are you wanting to lose weight? Commit to creating a health plan that serves your life.

You most likely won’t be able to tackle these in one day but if so kudos to you! However, don’t let the bigness of what you want for your life distract you from taking small steps every day. It’s the only way you’ll get to the top.

What is it for you?